I'm a Black male, married to a White female in the North East. We are both professional and highly educated and for the most part have not experienced overt racism. However, we continue to receive stares and whispers, especially from Black Women. It disturbs my wife more than it does me, in that, I am more amused by their double standards and obvious ignorance than angered. These women claimed to be angry that a Black male(esp. when they become successful) would date and married a white woman, when there are plenty of Black women to date and marry. They claim that these Black men have a problem with being Black, can't handle a successful black woman and need a white woman to prove their success.(See Jungle Fever and Waiting to Exhale) These attitudes and behaviors are extremely ridiculous, hilarious, and sad. These women claim to want a good, honest, faithful, educated Black man, however,often times in my experience the opposite is true. I attended both a Traditionally Black College and an Ivy League University and at both places I found the ienvironment hostile and unwelcoming. I was a Black Male working tobecome better educated and intellectually stimulated. I come from a solid, middle class background with professional siblings, parents, grandparents and extended family. Four generations of university educated blacks. We are good Christians, well travelled, Southern and gentlemen and women, yet throughout my university experience, Black women continously shunned me. Granted, I don't indulge in R&B music, can't play and don't watch basketball,didn't belong to a frat, and preferred simple living to cars and fancy clothes. I and my friends were more interested in discussing politics, poetry, the law and art. We were seen as not Black enough for the Black women and thus was offered up for a flashier type fellow. Ten years later, I don't hold a grudge or hate Black Women. I think they are equally attractive and desirable to other races of women, However, I haven't met many who would accept me equally for who I am. I feel the double standard has hurt alot of Black women. They cannot ask for equality and freedom from discrimination and then turn around discriminate against black men or white women. I don't walk down the street and stare at a black couple wondering why she chose a black male, that's ignorant. My relationship with my wife and other White women I've been involved with is true a choice of the heart. We shared goals and life experiences that were similar. We enjoy the same activities, like the same sorts of foods, movies, music and places. If, when I was a bachelor, I would have found a nice woman, who happened to have been black, and we shared the same common background, desires and goals, I would have been just a happy. But I found the "person" that completes me and I am truly thankful to My dear sweet savior and Lord, Jesus Christ, for her.

I have just recently started dating the love of my life. He is a wonderful Christian man who loves and respects me for who I am and what I am. I have never in my life been as happy as I am when I am with him. I am a white, 20 year old college student majoring in special education and he is a biracial, 22 year old engineer graduate of Georgia Tech. He is everything my parents has always wanted for a future son-in-law. The only problem is that when I tell them that he is 1/2 black and 1/2 white, they will never again have anything to do with me. They believe that whites should not mix with anyone that has any black in them. I want to tell them, but I am scared. Any ideas?

I was moved be A. Sanders letter about finding a nice guy who makes her so happy and yet parents who can't love their children enough to accept differences. A. Sanders, I suggest that you move very cautiously towards your parents.Since you know that they disapprove of this sort of relationship, you can't just blurt it out. What you can do is have very candid talks with them, exploring the roots of their attitudes and behavior. Find out more about them, educate them on the realities of the world and try hard not to get frustrated. Remember, the attitudes, behaviors and gestures of racism is rooted in ones own self esteem and feelings about their own inadequacies of their life. They hate others because deep down they hate themselves and it is a sickening disease. Have compassion for your parents illness, but don't ever,ever, compromise your own values and beliefs. You have to live with yourself and have to make yourself happy. Enjoy the new love that you have found. Learn new things about people who are different than you. Explore the area of biracial identity. Take class on cultures of Asia, Africa and South America. Make more friends of different backgrounds and look for ways that you, personally can make the world a better place. When you have gained the confidence in yourself and your love for your fella is strong enough to stand firm, then you can approach the subject. The conflict will still be there, but you will have done your homework and will be able to present yourself in away that is less confrontational. Parents often try to disguise control with love and you have to be able to decode their words and behavoir. You have to be loving, but firm. But love is the key, because they have a hard time fighting you when you continue loving them. Finally, develop a strong faith. Explore, with your new boyfriend, the wonderful journey that is Christianity. Read the words of God daily, attend a church that teaces love, compassion and the Bible. If you are Jewish, read the Torah, start keeping the Sabbath and find people of like views and develop close relationships. A firm foundation for a complete, healthy and happy life is rooted in honesty, caring,service, good health, close friends and a faith in God. Good luck and remember love is love, love is not control or hate.

I'm a descendant of a mixed race; African, Irish, and 2 types of Native American. I enjoy myself for who I am, and have no problems with my mixed bloodline. Most of my relatives are like that as well. I have a sister and some cousins that are either married or involved interracially. I wouldn't mind if the same was to happern to me. I've seen some really cute men who are either White, Spanish, Middle Eastern, of Asian. Even my last boyfriend was White.
Anyway as I look at them, I see these men either wearing wedding bands, or involved non-interracially. I sometimes wonder, "Hmmmm, what if they weren't in the mindset that they have to marry within their races? What if they were different in their raising about us African American women? Would they welcome us with open arms?"
Then I remember what my mom and brother have said about Asians and how they look at African Americans. They said that they look at us as thieves of people who can't be trusted. Then there's the Confuscianism and NeoConfuscianism. The whole point of those two religions is to keep to oneself; in other words "Stick to your own kind." BALONEY!
If that's the case then, I'd rather be an old maid than to believe that. If there was an Asian guy who doesn't think that all African American women are low class and loud, and Wouldn't mind dating one, I'd be a happy camper! The only thing that is proving that is that new movie "Romeo Must Die." I wouldn't mind seeing it, but I hope it will prove something to prejudice people.

Hi;

I'm writing my thesis on atitudes towards inter-racial couples in post-apartheid South Africa, but I can't find any material on the Net, nor in our library that talks about it, i.e. discrimination that mixed race couples experience in South Africa. Can anyone give me some suggestions of where to find material about it OUTSIDE the Aerican context? Thanx! Cecilia.

I find this website to be very interesting. On most interracial sites about marriage, couples or children there just seems to a lot of complaining about race and culture, exespecially for the United States. For all the people looking for a good place to be an I/R couple or for kids. There is only one, Seattle. Portland is a pretty good second. This place has not given on minutes trouble about my husband and I. It has been welcoming from whites and blacks and everybody in between. We get the occasional weird stare, but I think those are from out of towners. There a lot of resources for biracial people in general. I just find that on a daily basis I don't think of my husband as white and me as black. We have more in common than we'll ever have being different. Personally, I think I've lived a much more privileged life than he. He is originally from VAncouver, Canada but raised in Seattle and I'm from Houston. But, our politics and ways of thinking are similar which I think surprised him at first. I've dated white men before, but he had never dated anyone outside of his race. The weird part was that all his white male friends had. We laugh about that one all the time. The fact is one is married to a Native American woman and the other to a woman who is Pakistani. I don't think of them I/R at all. They're just married people, like most married people trying to make a marriage work. But, I say come to Seattle. Not only is it beautiful, but the people are awesome.

I would want a family or friend of mine to be happy. In this day and age, a person should NOT limit him/her self to one race. For me, it comes down to a few simple questions?

1. Are you happier with her or without her?
2. Does she share the same values as you?
3. Do you trust her?
4. Does she respect your race?
5. Do you respect her race?
6. If she was black/white/interracial in appearance would
you still feel the same about her?
7. Do you love her?

The answers to these questions give me a good idea about where the relatioship is going.

What do you think? Email me with your comments.

I do not like the word interracial. There is but one race the Human race. If two humans love oneanother, that is all that matters.

Hi,
I am doing a paper on how the public views the way interracial relationships are portrayed on TV and in movies. I am finding alot of movie review type comments but not much in the way of what I am looking for. If anybody knows where I can find any related articles, or if you'd like to reply yourselves, please email me. Paper is due in two weeks and I am getting anxious!! ANY comments at all would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

Cathy

Hi!! I have to agree with kevin, I do see a lot of black women hating on white women for dating black men, especially those who go to college and make something of themselves. I think that black women think they're missing out on something when they see success black men dating white women.
Ypu probably see more black men and white women in the most interracial relationships then any other race and gender.I have to be totally honest with everyone on the board-It does feel like I'm missing out on something good when I see a good black man with a woman outside of his race, and the lack of black women and latino women dating out of their race. Sometimes it feels like we get all of the scrubs, while white women get the creme of the crop. But if I was dating a man outside of my race, I wouldnt want anyone hating on me, so I make it a habit not to hate on black men who date out of their race, cause I wouldnt want anyone doing it to me!!!

Sr. Johnson,
I would like to commend you on your tolerant response. I think that the issue of black women becoming upset with black men dating outside their race is an interesting one. I also think that your point about alot of black women having to date scrubs, becuase the men are dating outside their race is a valid one. What I would like to say is that it is sad that some black women are choosing the bad guys over good guys. Black women need to stop and realize that it isn't about the kind of job or the flashy clothes or the hairstyle or the car that black men drive, but rather what is in his heart and what is in his head. They should realize that a fellow who works hard, enjoys physical exercise, volunteers to help others less fortunate, has an active civic and/or religious life, who is not worried or interested in oney, but rather values life and love and decency, is the right guy. But all too often those guys are overlooked, because women think they want danger, a challenge or to change a guy, so they pick the worst of the litter. Leaving the nice guy for someone else. And so any nice woman will see the value in this nice fellow, and alot of times it is a non white woman. And this is great because, black men are under valued in American society and the nice black guy is undervalued in black society. But perhaps, valued equally or more by nice, decent, open-minded white society.

Many asian and asian american men carry a negative attitude towards interracial relationships as evidenced on the message boards and forums of http://www.saram.net asianguy.com and Korealink.com

Some even threaten violence against IR couples and or their children as well as threats of damaging their property to protest such unions.

I think that women are not valued in society-period. I see it a lot, and actions speak lounder then words-trust me. I just went to a dance this week, and all of the females there grabed a guy to dance with, but none of the guys grabed a girl. Women are minorites, and it feel like men are more valued then women. You hear all of these rap songs on the radio, give me head, smack the bitch, and stuff like that. I'm not saying that I deserve special treatment or anything, its just seems like women are more ignored then men;like for example: the NBA vs the WNBA. How many people are going to be watching Shaq over Rebecca Lobo??? A whole lot!!! Women just arent played attention to, its not even like were important(except for one thing) Its the same thing when I go to parties, its like the females suck-up to the males like there gods or something, and its like the guys just sit there and take it in. I go to a mostly White high school in a suburb. Its like, the guys at my school treat the females better than black males do. I just feel really ignored by black men, maybe its just men period. I just dont feel any respect, and trust me, you dont want to feel this way!!!

It is good to see so many people coming together to make the world a better place!
I will check back, as I want to keep in touch with you!!
Thank you.
George Vreeland Hill

I'm a bit disturbed by the overgeneralization in some of the comments made about the attitude of black women to white women who date/marry black men and to black men in general. It is unfair and careless to say or to insinuate that all black women feel or act a certain way about any subject. How fair is to lump any group of people into a singular way ofthinking, acting or feeling? People are a product of their environment - their homes or particular neighborhoods, etc. But other dynamics can also play a role in how a particular person views life in general. Two people can come from the same home and have completely different views on the same subject.

So as not to accuse Kevin of any indiscretion, I will assume that he spoke strictly from his own frame of reference - his own experiences. And since he certainly has not interacted with every black female or every white one for that matter, he certainly is in no more of a position to speak about all blacks as undeserving of his intellect, emotions, attitudes, etc. than he is to say that only white women are.

I also respond from my own frame of reference. I am a black woman; I consider myself to be intellectual but not pretensious. I know that good and bad, intellectuals and those who have not had all the opportunities to show their full potential, caring and selfish people come in all colors. Careful not to accidentally single any group out as lesser or greater than another in any aspect.

I just responded to Kevins attitude about black women's attitude toward white women who date/marry black men and to those black men. I wanted to keep that response separate from my plea for advice.

I am recently divorced after 16 years of marriage and 2 years of separation. My ex-husband and I are both black. However, since we separated, I have begun to date. The whole dating experience is quite traumatic (after 16 years with the same man). I've dated a couple of men both of whom have been white. The challenge for me is that I have 3 children from my marriage (15, 12, 9) and I am really concerned about the dynamics of blending a man who isn't black into my family (if I had to make that decision). Because of that concern, I hesitate to share that part of my life with my children. Because I have children, whatever decision I make will bring undue stress. However, this particular dynamic, I feel, will only increase the pressures.

Are there others in a similar situation? Advice please.

Who a person dates or gets married to is none of anybody's business. Color is not important, if 2 people love one another that is all that matters and they should not have to explain themselves to anybody or suffer any form of harrassment.

I am black man who is wants very much to date a hispanic women, But my family will not have nothing to do with anyone in the family who dates outsides of the black race. I am so attracted to hispanic women, but I don't want to give up my family because of it. I'm now confused because I want to be happy, but don't want to hurt my family in the progress. Either way I feel that I'm going to cause a lot of pain. I need some serious advice. Any ideas? If so, please help.

Hi,

My name is Troy Fleming. My wife a white Hungarian Female and me, an African American male started a sportswear company called One People One Planet. Our goal is to promote diversity and respect regardless of race, religion, or creed. By wearing (OP/OP) sportswear, you show the world you truly support diversity, multicultural, and interracial relations.

We invite you to join our team.

First and foremost, I want to state that I have absolutely no problems with interracial dating- I think everyone should date whom they please and not base his/her choice of a partner on skin color.
My comments are with regards to interracial relationships involving black men here in germany. I am an african american male, born and raised in the u.s. I finished undergrad at home in the states, and my graduate degree here in germany. I've been here now for nearly 10 years, and have noticed some really interesting patterns in dating. Prior to coming to Germany, I never thought too much about interracial dating- being a black male and given the high degree of racial polarization in the states, I quite naturally met only black women at home, and so the thought of being in an interracial relationship never crossed my mind. I had seen some mixed couples at home, but that was about it. Since I've been here, I have dated two (german) women with whom I felt compatible. I can't speak about other peoples' experiences or preferences when it comes to finding a suitable partner, because every individual has his/her own taste. However, judging from my own personal experience, I would say that it is quite difficult for black men in my position to meet women here who are on the same level in terms of education, upbringing and life experiences. I have found that in nearly all cases, it is usually the less educated women who tend to date black men/men of color here in germany. my guess is that, just as in the states, black men have been stigmatized here as well, and, as a result, the women who tend to date black men are those who have nothing or little to lose by doing so (i.e. family, friends, social standing). I do socialize and have female friends, but the dating is virtually non-existent. Again, I can only speak for myself and for my own taste and preferences in a potential partner. One thing I definitely do not like about the interracial issue concerning black men is the fact that it often seems to be some kind of fashion for many women, and that these women consciously seek black men for sexual purposes, or just to experience what it is like to be with a black man. Again, I have absoulutely no qualms about interracial dating, but judging from my personal ovbservations and experiences, I think my own chances of meeting a truly compatible partner are astronomically greater among black women.

I am a 43 year old educated, attractive white female. My mother and father immigrated to the United States from Germany in 1952 after world war II. Growing up, I was frequently exposed to the racist attitudes of my Nazi father, and subconciously adopted his views and attitudes. Several years ago, a male caucasian friend asked me a question that I could not effectively answer.."Why would you never consider dating a black man?". My answer, I believe was something to the effect that "it just isn't right", but I remember thinking I could not justify my answer further than that. I should mention here that african american always seemed to be attracted to me, yet the caucasian men had no interest.

A few years later, by chance, I became involved with a black man and found myself drawn to every aspect of him as an individual. The difference intrigued me, and his interest in me was something I had not experienced with caucasian men. Thereafter, the more I spoke to caucasian men and the more I was exposed to their racist attitudes, the more I appreciated men of color.

My husband is an extremely intelligent, successful black man, 8 years younger than myself. We don't experience much in the way of remarks and stares, probably because we live in a large city which is very diversifed. However, he is very cautious when we go out in public, and always feels the need to check his surroundings in case of trouble. I have seen him struggle with white society and the "good old boys club" in business...I've seen him turned down for a position when he was clearly the most qualified of all the applicants. I have seen business associates smile in his face, ("When I met you I thought you were a white man...I'm not prejudiced by any means, but it just surprised me"). So, tell me if you are so unbiased---why were you surprised?

Centuries of condemnation of the black race has caused disruption in our relationship at times. I often tell him he is an angry black man---and he tells me I'm right. I wonder if he can truly ever "trust" anyone of the white race, including the one he says he loves. I wonder if when he looks at me, he sees someone who has all the advantages...and he has none, and secretly despises me for it.

It makes you wonder...

Wow. This is simply a great forum going on. I've seen others that are a bunch of bickering, complaining and hostility. This is not that at all.

I wanted to voice myself on several postings... Michelle- Your situation is a very tough one. I know all too well. My mother is white (Italian) and my father is Black. However, I grew up with my mom as a single parent. My mother never dated white men because of the simple fact of her 'mixed' children. Now that I am an adult, I have to really admire that in her- but at the same time, I would not have cared if he was white, black or purple just as long as he was decent and did not have any racial baggage!

In your case I would tell you to please talk to your children, and instill in them that race is irrelevant. There is only one race, the Human race! Introduce them to your White male friends, but also be sure that your white male friend is open with his feelings about race. Sometimes interracial couples can be totally in love, but still have issues surrounding their differences. I admire you for putting your children first, but don't underestimate them--they may just find that this could be a wonderful thing.

As for Kevin's postings--All I have to say is that NOT all black women have problems with Black men dating White women. And, believe it or not,there are actually some Black women in this world who DO read poetry, go to plays and who don't care about fancy clothes and expensive cars. I think you may be watching too many music videos.

I am sure you have your own experiences that lend to your feelings, but I just want to share with you, from a 'mixed' womans viewpoint, who has many Black women friends, that you might be a little narrow in your thinkings. I respect your feelings and agree with some, but you must not think that ALL Black women are as shallow as you make them out to be.

Remember, there is only ONE RACE--The Human Race!

HI! I am a multiracial 18 year old living in the south of the south. What is my history? I am a descendant of Adam and Eve and Abraham and Sarah, whom supposedly were Canaanites. My grandmother's mother was Indian,so there's another portion of my mixed heritage,and of course, my dominate race is black...or african-american.
So you see, I am not pure,and neither or you..because we are all descendants of Adam and Eve AND Abraham and Sarah.
And who knows??? Thomas Jefferson may be one of your great great great great great relatives.
Anyhow, the next time someone asks you what are you,just tell them....."I'm the multirace,and so are you."

Hi I have to agree with what Michelle said, I think black men need to get over themselves. Not all black women are angry because a lot of black men tend to date white women, personally I don't care. I've always dated outside my race, mostly white guys and the most interesting thing I've noticed was that most of our stares and comments come from black men-surprising huh! It's like the whole dish it but can't take it sort of thing. So don't put it all on black women. We all have issues to resolve. Like for example, when I was in middle school black guys didn't find me attractive or think we anything in common, but white guys seemed to like me and asked me out. At first I was confused and scared until I realized you go with who you like and who likes you.

Date:	Fri Sep 7 09:18:08 PDT 2001
Name:	Eliza_chloe
Country:	Singapore
E-Mail:	swjuedes@yahoo.com

Dear girls,

Hi, I am Eliza_chloe from Singapore.Like many of the American girls, I am involved in an interracial relationship. I am a university student, and being Singaporean Chinese, I have an Indian boyfriend. We have been together for 2 years. But society is not as forgiving and gracious as we have would have liked it to be, people's unfriendly and disapproving stares have put a strain on our relationship. My parents are dead against it. He is not allowed into the house, nor within my parents' sight. He is a Malaysian and I am a Singaporean, but he works in Singapore.

We are really serious about each other. But why can't people see through the colour of our skin to know that everyone, deep beneath is the same??? I have not been allowed to go to his home, because my parents will ground me if I do. My mum says I am a degenerate, a reject from my own race to go with an Indian.

Why did God create skin colour? Why did society make things so difficult for us?

I see the normal Chinese couples happily going to each other's houses and having dinner with each other's family. Why can't me and my bf get the same treatment? We yearn for a normal dating life, but at the same time, we have to suffer the verbal abuses and social rejection of society and even my own parents!!!!

I am sad. It has been a torture for the whole of two years. The only comfort I have is in my boyfriend. The hope that we both cherish in living a world apart from people's stares. We have been strong, and i pray, for all the interracial couples worldwide, that you all will be strong, and find faith in each other, and fight for what we love and cherish.

For years I have struggled with the fact that I am very attracted to caucasian women. Don't get me wrong I don't like all caucasian women (there are many who I am not the least bit attracted to) and by the same token there are many beautiful hispanic women that I have been very much attracted to. However, for some reason my attractions have always been limited to those two ethnic groups. Cubans in general are very proud of their ethnicity and I am no exception but being proud of who I am does not mean I have to shun others. I have approached both hispanic and caucasian women (I use the term caucasian rather than white because many hispanics are white and I consider myself a white hispanic commentary by white supremacist notwithstanding) and I have found them both to be equally alluring. I will say that when I have approached a caucasian women I often take some flak from hispanic women for demonstrating an interest in say an American girl. Similarly I have noticed that once caucasian women learn that I am attracted to them as well then all of sudden alot of them will start to swarm around you like bees looking for honey. I suppose they are flattered and maybe want you to notice them. Do I notice them of course I do but just because I notice doesn't mean that I am going to hit on them. To me this is not a game and I have to be very careful about how I conduct myself in interracial situations because I have noticed that my actions have the potential to impact the racial harmony that exists in a particular environment. I found this page as I was searching the internet for material on interracial dating and interpersonal relationships between men and women of different ethnicity. For a long time I was ashamed of the fact that I was attracted to caucasian women and tried to hide it. I mean I had a hard enough time meeting women of my own race but now as I grow older I begin to realize that there is nothing shameful about how I feel and more importantly that I don't have to justify any of it to anyone. I don't see interracial dating or relationships in the context of different races because ultimately I believe we are all nearly the same genetically; no I see it more as a scenario of boy meeting girl....do boy and girl like each other? If so great....if no then move on no harm done.

The situation is especially relevant now. I met this one person at a local sports club who is caucasian and who I am very attracted to. It appears she does not feel the same way about me so I am doing my best to give her plenty of space. One of the most important things I was taught as a child is that no one is obliged to be with any person if they are not attracted to them and race should not even factor into the equation. I try my best to live by this because I have found myself in situations where women of other ethnic groups have expressed an interest in me and I did not share their feelings for them. So anyway this is my 2 cents that I post here for all to see.

I descend of blacks (in Brazil we accepted
"politicaly correct" expressions like "Afro-Brazilian", but "negro" is not ofensive; really, it's the expression adopted by black activists in Brazil)+ Portugueses + Indians(idem. We don't adopted "Native-Brazilians"). But there is a diference with USA: in Brazil major portion of the mixed people are born from others mixed people. All my parents are descendents of the three principal racial groups of Brazil. In Brazil, mixed people are not the exception, we are the standard. Mixture of races is natural for us. Racism
is a crime in Brazilian legislation - although personaly I am against free speech restrictions. My mother says that I have a German ancestor. By the way, Portuguese and Spainish people are both the descendent of various nations: Iberos, Celtics, Arabs, Jews, Berbers, Romans and others. They are the more mixed people of Europe.
In the same way, in my family there is various religions: I am lutheran (I was a baptist); my woman is baptist (she was a Roman catholic); My stepson is pentecostal (but was baptized in the Brazilian Catholic Church); the husband
of one of my sisters, is budist; my father is baptist (ex-Roman catholic, ex-mormon); I have three sisters: one is Witness of Jehovah and two are baptists. If you ask a American who President were not protestant is very probable (I think) that he remind Kennedy; but if you ask a Brazilian the name of the only one Brazilian President that was not catholic hardly he will know - this is not important for the Brazilian people. In Brazil religious conflicts occurs, but are rare events. Criminality is the great reason of deaths here.
Another great difference is that the Brazilian whites when they are racist have shame to admit. A Brazilian white can not desire a marriage mixing, but hardly it would boast this, in KKK style. This come not from a fear of the law against racism (I do not know anyone imprisoned in function of it), but for cultural questions. The gratuitous pride is something very badly seen in Brazil.

We already had presidents of various origins: crossbreds, German, gypsy, Italian and black governors we had several.
By the way, somebody to be considered white in Brazil is enough to seem white!
I am not saying that Brazil is a racial Paradise; we need improve in various aspects.
Positive in Brazil and Latin America is that really "racial hatred" does not exist here and the miscegenation little by little goes advancing and we know that one day few indians, few blacks and few whites will exist (or none of them): its crossbred children will have mixed their bloods. The racists say that it is a genocide; I think it as a real fraternity.

Good luck!

Hi,
I'm a african american and my husband is white. We resently move to western new york from texas. It was a real shock to walk down the street holding hands the way we normally do and see traffic stop and the street to watch us.

People not wanting to serve us in restaurant, we have been married for 4 years and never have we seen such racist people.

We where moving to Canada but changed our minds because we wanted to stay close to family. But now I'm not so sure we shouldn't have but we do plan to leave this area. My family does'nt have a problem with my relationship, my family is a melting pot of cultures. Mexican, white, black, and more.

It's the america that's behind the curve. When my husband and I travel to other countries we have no problems,..it's only in the good old US do people ask us "are you two together".(smile)

It's sad and funny all at the same time. My husband and I are just the same as any other couple. Crazy Fun...Cathy

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I just had a disagreement with one of my co-workers. I am an African- American woman maried to an Italian- American for the past 19 years. My co-worker is a African -American male.I am so tired of hearing Black men tell me that I am a traitor for crossing over. I didn't marry an alien,I married a man.It's very hurtful to have to deal with this type of attitude. Why do Black men to this day feel that if a Black woman marries someone other than them ,she is rejecting her own? Such insecurities make me sick. I neither. rejected nor dislike Black men because I married a White man.I simply married my soul mate.

I am a white American from Pennsylvania, living temporarily in Switzerland. Both at home and where I am now, I've found myself attracted to a variety of different women of various races, but have never been in a physical relationship with anyone outside of my race. Recently, I met a Cambodian woman online, and we have discovered many points of common interest, and someday I hope to meet her in person and enter into a more serious relationship than can be accomplished by sending e-mail and chatting. There should be no family problems here, because both my family and hers are open to interracial relationships and I know they will support us. But being inexperienced in interracial relationships, I often wonder what awaits us. Will our vastly different backgrounds create conflict that neither of us can surmount(not just race, but the difference between the developed and developing countries could play a role)? Will we experience more racism than either of us can handle?

For the moment, I will hold onto my belief that we will get through whatever problems arise, because of the nature of our relationship, which has been based on anything but appearances for as long as it's lasted. I respect and admire her, and I think she does the same. That should be all that matters.

For me,living in the U.S.has been some what hard for me. I grew up here and I've had trouble trying to identify myself even though I don't like to.My mother is White,Irish,Scottish,German and Cherokee. My dad is Black.I'm 14.I have red and dark brown hair,medium brown eyes,and my complexion is light.People look at me like'what is she doing here',when I go somewhere.Where I live,there is no respect for me at all.The neighborhood is really almost all Black.There are only a few Hispanics and I haven't seen any White families.I think people need to be more aware of the biracial kids and adults out there and to stop acting like they've never seen mixed people before.I think we need more respect and not so many questions.

For me,living in the U.S.has been some what hard for me. I grew up here and I've had trouble trying to identify myself even though I don't like to.My mother is White,Irish,Scottish,German and Cherokee. My dad is Black.I'm 14.I have red and dark brown hair,medium brown eyes,and my complexion is light.People look at me like'what is she doing here',when I go somewhere.Where I live,there is no respect for me at all.The neighborhood is really almost all Black.There are only a few Hispanics and I haven't seen any White families.I think people need to be more aware of the biracial kids and adults out there and to stop acting like they've never seen mixed people before.I think we need more respect and not so many questions.

Hi, I'm a white female that lives in the Northeast US and I've been dating an Asian male for about 3 years. We're very happy together and both of our families are approving, so I guess that I'm lucky. I'm curious, are there any other Asian/non-Asian couples on here? I'm curious about Confucianism and the whole Asian Pride movement, and how it looks down upon Asians dating whites.
Great site.

I'm a black woman living in upstate New York. I was married to a white man for 16 years and dated him for two a half years before that. We have 3 children together.
We are divorced recently due to mental/moral issues unrelated to race.
We didn't have many problems being an interracial couple.
Yes people stared at us, but, eventually we began to stare back. Everyone believe me, that will put a stop to it.
We met a couple of racists over the years, but we also met many black woman /white man couples.
Our children are 15,11 and 6 and are well adjusted.
Sometimes they get asked "what are you" They just reply "a boy, or a girl,what are you?"
My ex husband is now involved with another black woman.
I am looking for a Godly man. I don't care what color he is.
I didn't seek out a white man the first time. We just clicked and fell in love. I will consider marrying a white man again, it will be natural for my kids. I don't however find that many white maen are interested in me. I'm an attractive well educated, Christian,woman and live in a completely white area.

During my 18 year relationship with my ex, most rude comments came from black men who seemed to feel that "the white man had stolen something from them" Even black men with white women seemed angry that I was with a white man.
Personally,I think people place too much emphasis on race.
My children identify with both races. One child looks Indian. One looks Spanish and one looks African American.

One note. My ex developed a mental disorder,and when psychotic is acutely racist and denies the youngest child
(the one who appears mostly african american), is his.
Absurd of course but interesting. He makes racist comments about blacks and sometimes will even identfy with white supremists. It was mind boggling to me after being with him for 18 years, but I believe it's the mental illness talking, because he's not always like that.
God bless you all. I'd say that a non interracial marriage would probably be simpler, but if you find your soulmate wrapped in a different color or culture, don't let him/her go!

I am a 22-year-old Hispanic/Filippina female, from the diverse city of San Diego. I have to say that having a mixed background is great for me. The best thing about dating in San Diego is that there is so many handsome faces to choose from!
I love to have a mixed background because since I don't look 100% Mexican or Filippina, people are less often to sum me up by my appearance. I like the intrigue. I find my mixed features to be unique and a blessing. :) !

Hi there!
I am currently in a relationship that is long- distance. I met my close friend during an Band Adjudication Day. She had touched my heart. She is from America and colour is actually not a problem because she is white and I am yellow. But then, having read up on some books on interracial relationship, I was feeling some what down. Mainly, this is due to myself having to do a research on this topic, and the realities and facts shocked me.
It is important to note that it is the initial memories that last and I am happy to say that I liked her once and would still do so. Therefore, cherish your friendships with people and help people, then the human race will prosper.

Here in america you hardly ever see a black women with an asian man. I've all ways been attracted to them and visversa. But nothing ever happens! Maybe i'm just to shy? I would really like to hear from asian men.

I have noticed that attitudes toward black women are mostly negative, I happened to be a black female. I dont have a problem with someone dating out of there race. It seems to me we (black women) are always being labeled before someone has the chance to get to know us. Unfortunately some black men asume we all feel negative toward this issue. And they go out of there way to disrespect or put black women down. I have all so noticed when I date out side my race the very same men will put me down for not being with a black man. It feel's like no matter what we(black women) get the short end of the bargian. I think no matter where you find love it's a wounderful thing. And I wish more sisthas would open up there hearts and allow love no matter what color come into there lives.

Hello, I am a Peruvian female who is currently dating a Korean man. We have been going out for 6 months and our relationship is doing great. I had dated outside my race previously but 2 years ago the thought of dating an asian man was distant until I undergone my first experience with such. Asian americanized men possess both the old fashioned and new age ideas of us Hispanics, one of the reasons why I fell in love whith my boyfriend.
Sometimes when we go out i notice some stares from asian people, I bet they are saying what is this asian guy doing with that hispanic girl?. Well, love is all that matters and if interracial relationships is not ok or looked as good by other people, who cares?; if it does not bring you acceptance in society, who cares?, after all they are not there when you get home. To be openminded means being accepting of other people and that makes you a better person in this world.

Hi,my thoughts about interracial couples are the same as my thoughts on any couple.I really don't see why people should treat each other differently because of the colour of their skin.I personally like coloured guys black/mixed race and i started my own club for girls and guys in the UK 17-25 (although older members are welcomed).Its for Black guys who are looking for White girls and White girls who are looking for Black guys.So if you are living in the UK please feel free to drop by and join the club.And good luck to any interracial couples out there.Don't let any narrow minded people put u off loving who u do.
Aimee
xxxxx

I have just started dating a black man who is kind, respectful, and very sincere and is really interested in me. We have some really deep discussions about our own feelings about interracial dating, our feeling on other issues and have come to the conclusion that we really like being with each other and that that is all that matters. My children are 20,16,13, all girls and as long as they are okay with it that is all that matters. I was somewhat uneasy at first, but as I have gotten to know him and have acceptted him as a person, not a black person, but a person that I enjoy spending time with, this makes me happy. That is what makes a happy world, accepting people for who they are and not for what history says they are.

Hi! I am a 19 year old college student from Milwaukee...I am not in an interracial relationship, but I would like to speak out on interracial couples, mostly interracial dating between black men and white women. I really dont have any "beef" with white women, but when see BM/WW couples, I mostly look at the man before I look at the woman. I just dont understand why black men date out of their race so damn much! I really just dont understand it. Its kind of sicken to me, because you see it so much. I think that interracial dating is something that you should see once in a while, but not all the time. What is so wrong about dating in your one racially group. I really dont understand why (black men mostly) act like their is something wrong with dating in their own race. I really dont believe the myths (black men only date white women, because black women are too controlling) I think that black men date white women because they think that they are white and better then black women. I went to an R&B concert here in Milwaukee, and for the first time, I saw more black men with white women then black men with black women. The school that I go to, most of the black men date white females. I just dont understand this...its very confusing to me...and the other thing that I dont understand is why black men REFUSE to date black women, even after they broken up with a white girlfriend. Why do they continue to date white???? And the same thing for white women. Why do they continue to date black, even after they break up with their black boyfriend or husband????

Is there anything wrong with dating in your own race???
If I am wrong, can someone please respond back to this message...

[re the last post by srj] there is nothing wrong with people dating within their own race. but remember, that there's nothing wrong with people dating outside of their race either. people are free to choose who they want to go out with, and so are you. out of curiosity, what percentage of the population where you go to school is caucasian? if it is very high, then the probability of going out with someone caucasian is fairly high. more important though, try not to judge a book by its cover. if possible, try to understand the underlying reasons why two people may go out. it may be more than just a race issue; the couple could have shared some type of experience (fun or tragic) that bonded them together and sparked the relationship. those relationships that are not built upon a solid foundation (i.e. someone going out with another to try to improve their status, and not for true love) may have their difficulties, but it's best not to focus too much on others. rather, a person is best to focus on his/her own self and search for happiness in his/her own life. all the best and God bless.

I love my husband to be. We have dated for five yrs. He is white and i am black/white/indian. I am a military brat so i was brough up thinking most people were mixed just like me. I mean most of my friends were mixed ex: half white half chinese or half mexican half black. It wasn't until my dad got out of the military that i found out this wasn't so. I hope that when I have kids they will see the world threw my eyes and not threw the eyes of a closed minded people. Being multiracial can be hard people always want to know what you are how you got your long hair and skin color. But being multiracial is the best too you get the best out of all the races. Write me if you agree or just want to talk.

i am in interracial relationship. i think there should me more interracial dating. i like seeing diverse couples but there are just not enough. I am for it - more diversity the better.

I need a little advice. I work for a company that may place me in the position of relocating. Most of my choices will be in the mid-west or central states. Michigan will be very likely option.
My wife and I (she is white) are researching what states are known to be accepting of interracial couples. I don't have the need to be "loved" by every person I meet, or to be the most popular family in my neighborhood. On the other hand, I have no desire to have to "watch my back" every time I leave my home, or return to a vandalized house. All comments will be welcome.

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I am a journalist working for Genesis Press a romance novel publishing company located in Columbus, Miss. I am writing an article about interracial relationships and the challenges they pose and their rate of occurrence. This article will be sent out to mainstream publications and hopefully will result in greater awareness of interracial relationships. I am interested in speaking with individuals who have been involved in an interracial relationship or preferably those who are the product of an interracial relationship.

Anyone interested in speaking with me can contact me through email at aurrie1@aol.com so we can schedule a time when we can speak on the phone.

I am with a Church Denomination where some people dont believe in inter racial dating. I know one of our affilated Universities Bob Jones University strickly prohibits interracial dating on their campus based on a biblical principle. What i'm not to sure about is the biblical principle, can someone please write me back if they know what this so called principle is?

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Hey, I would like say that being mixed is beautiful!You all should be proud and stand with your heads high. Don't let anyone tell u all different. I am an East Indian female and my daughter is mixed. Her daddy is Black and a little Italian and Native American somewhere in its roots. I have ran into a lot of narrow minded Indian people who do not take very well to mixed children. BUT SCREW THEM AND EVERYONE ELSE! You all should do what ur heart desires and remember God mad all different types of people in this world, and that's what makes people of all races beautiful and special. Peace to all mixed folks out there!
PS Check this out...Mixedfolks.com-My baby is posted as Half-Black Half East Indian Princess!

Maybe where a person lives has much to do with attitudes toward interracial dating. I live in Rochester NY and here IR relationships are common, but I will also say that same ethnic relationships are plentious. I know many people who have dated IR and Same race after a breakup etc etc. I became friends with 2 black guys in college, I liked them because they were boned up on there black history and seemed to be culturally positive, until I found out that a black women couldn't turn their heads. It began to make me sick. How could you put on the assumption of loving and respecting Maya Angelo and other black female actresses authors etc but a black woman is not worth your time. I have no problems with interracial relationships, both of my grandfathers are 'biracial'[black & cherokee / black-french-nativeamerica] many of my friends are(black/other) but i love women of African descent, no matter what the degree. the mothers,aunts,cousins,friends,and women that marry into the family. My family is mixed enough, and we appreciate it, maybe that's why we draw so many biracial(black/other) mixed black and straight up black people to our family.

Greetings,

My name is Felicia and I'm an attractive light-skinned African-American women internationaly married to a wonderful and loving German man. We are a young couple with nothing but love and support from both sides of our families, and we are looking forard to starting our own family later this year!(Yes) Although the chances are quite high our beautifuly blended daughter or son will have a quite "white" appearance,(hubby's "Nordic", tall blonde/blue eyed & I look like Halle) we're going to make sure that she/he is proud of and claims ALL of their ancestry. German, African-American & Creek Indian.

We currently live in the midwest of America (Cincinnati), but are SO looking forward to moving back to either California or Germany. (Sometime soon we hope)

Unfortunately, we have experienced numerous negative experiences from black males, white & hispanic females, and asian females. Hatefull looks, comments, smirks, rolling of the eyes, outright rudeness, etc... It's really sad, because intense racism/dislike is actually a sign of low-self esteem and self-doubt. It all has to do with a sense of "threat" and a feeling of "losing out" on something.

Interestingly, we hardly ever have any issues with White men or East Indian/Arabic men and most Black women.(Middle class ones anyway)

I'm just writing to let other black female/white male couples know that the BEST response to this foolishness (if you're experiencing it)is to smile a beautiful Colgate smile and act oblivious to it. It gives YOU peace of mind and sends the very important message that it DOES NOT matter what insecure and often hypocritical racist (sometimes of color) think!(smile)

I think it's wonderful that there are support groups and associations like this one, to get the word out on establishing TOGETHERNESS amongst humankind and ending all of this racist foolishness.

Also, it's important to remember that there ARE nice, well adjusted people from all so called "races" as well. We "mixed" couples DO have our supporters too.

Lets not forget that...

Cheers!

Felicia

I am a white 17yr. old young adult who lives in an average little town in the midwest. My town consists of mainly white people with a few exceptions of some black couples and others. I go to the central school of this town where there is only about 9 black students and even less students of other races. I grew up in a home where my father claimed not to be racist but often made racial comments. It was just always known in all of my extended family that white people don't mix w/other races; that a race should stay w/the same race. I grew up w/this, so I took this attitude. It wasn't until last year that I started going out-of-town to a friends house to stay on weekends. She lived in the capital of my state. She was in a relationship w/a latino guy from Hondurus. So, naturally I was around a lot of latino guys. I was not uncomfortable w/this stituation b/c in my mind I knew other people had different views, opinions, and beliefs on dating and marrying different races. I started to get to know one guy in particular who is from Hondurus and found myself falling in love w/him. Now, we have been together for 7 mths. and I know that I couldn't find another person that could be more right for me than he is, white, black, asian, etc... Everything about us is similar except physically, especially b/c he is of a different color. Throughout this time w/him I have experienced the criticism of my parents, friends, and extended family; the acceptance of my parents, friends, and extended family. When we go out, we often get stared at or looked down upon by other people (hispanic and white). I now look at that as ignorance. How can they look down upon a person who has found love no matter what the color is.

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hello,
we are a blended family our children vary from white to coco brown. only the baby boy is biracial. we have a home in alabama, but have had to move because of my daughters father. constent harrasment from her father and the police force, including the judge and DA. my daughter was placed with her father because the judge didn't want to see her raised by a black man. well, after 2 years she was given back to me by the state after being removed from her fathers home because of abuse from him and his wife. this angered the judge who place her with her father. i was told if i push for a conviction on them, they i may lose because the jury pool was 98% white, and if we did lose my daughter could be placed back in her fathers home. its a long story, but to keep my daughter safe we settled for a plea bargain. we have had to leave our home to try to make a safe and happy life for her. my abilities to parent my 2 brown stepchildren and my biracial son has never been questioned. but for some reason they hate the fact that my daughter loves living with us and she even chose to call my husband "daddy", i told her she didn't have to but she said she wants to. she said, "james, loves me for me and that makes him more my daddy than my biological father" , i wanted to cry, she has always been such a daddys girl and his acctions have hurt her badly. i wish i could stop racism. racism is same as terrorism. we should stop terrorism at home too. we are all americans , but we are treated as intruders in our own country. our government doesn't seem to care. keeps the country divided and we can never overcome government. united we could change so much. no matter your skin shade, if your born on american soil your an american and deserve to be treated fairly. i pray we unite, and teach the american people to appreciate all of us not just the lighter skinned humans in our country.

To SR Johnson:

I can definitely see where your coming from! You described it perfectly when you said that you feel all white women get the creme of the crop and we seem to get the scrubs! Although I love the fact that you put yourself in their position and realized that it's just the ones they like. A lot of women in your position do not keep on open mind. But believe me, there are plenty black men out there who love ALL women and if black men are your preference for physical attraction, dont worry b/c your man WILL come! I just had to comment on that. I think if you present (after you get to know) a guy who you talk to, he will respect you for that. B/c some black men turn away from black women b/c they feel that some of them are too judge mental but when they see that you aren't, they will feel differently about yourself. I hope I'm making plenty of sense. Anyways, I hope you find the man of your dreams along with the physical attraction you are seeking. DON'T EVER GIVE UP HOPE! AND DON'T EVER SETTLE FOR LESS THAN YOU DESERVE! By the way I AM white here.

Feel free to respond to me! :-)

-Caren100@aol.com

PS While there has to be physical attraction to make a relationship work, make sure the man treats you good as well. Otherwise, you won't truely be happy their eithor.

Funny thing,
I live in a country still in war but at peace for fifty years yesterday. I have just recenty married a citizen of Russia and have seen many hardships just trying to accomplish this, why? Is it so hard for two people in love to be togather, must be, because the way most look at it is that I married a woman who just wanted a free ticket out of her home to the "land of dreams" aka USA. We have hade to endure hardships of both sides, her family is more than happy to see thier daughter and myself wed. My family the same, but she is constantly drug down by the speculations in Russia that she is now better than some of the other people there. Doesnt usually get to her, until she needs to finish our paperwork to get us living in the same country togather.
I have been looking all through the military regulations, all through the civillian counterparts to them, and still I can find nothing that effects my job now because of this, however, I still face the people that think we are never really out of the conflicts our 2 countries had so long ago. And because I do not reside in the United states I am bombarded with the Korean Laws that prevent her from reentering the county to finish our paper work, why? Did I do something so radical that people just cant foolow the book and get their jobs done? Maybe someone else knows, I doubt I will ever understand.

I want to hear from asians womans and black americans.
I notice a big gap from the asian womans to the black american mens. Most, if not all ASIANS womans from(CHINA & JAPAN) wants to date white males. I see a BIG taboo againts
MALES of Black race with ASIAN families. Black mens & Asian
Womans could be a big theme for a chat-room.
If you have more information please write me.

My father was (deceased) White or "continental Portuguese & Spaniard."
My mother is Black or "African American with bits of Mexican & Blackfoot Sioux"

I am who I am?
Who do I think I am?
No, who do -- you -- think I am?

When you see me walking down the street on my way to where ever some people think "mixed" some think "Black." Of course no one thinks "White."

Personally, ***I*** think, Me,the sum of the love-o-mama & pops. I get along with everyone. I can see the broader idea of "their" and "your" views. I feel as if ... no I KNOW I have one foot in "two worlds." If someone says I am either / or, then they are mistaken. They have not walked in my shoes. They have not seen and heard what I have. They cannot know.
Ever.

For those who say "Black is Black & White Is White" this is not the case because some of the "Black is Black & White is White" contingent are the very people who sometimes (though rarely) shun me when I'm out and about. For those who say I identify more with White American society, by all means sit/stand with me at a concert (I work in the rock genre of the music business ... the --business-- side). SOMETIMES times I am THE only person of color but most of the time I'm not (and NO ONE CARES!).
OR
Come with me to a night club for an open mic R&B night. I'm either accepted (sometimes) innocently curiously questioned or I'm outright ignored (unfortunately, both most of the time).

Where do I feel most comfortable?
TRAVELING, because abroad everyone sees me as American - believe it or not-and I am very happy to not be megascrutinized.

In short, us "mixed people" fit where-ever when we are not pressured into identifying with "them or us."
Deal with it.
Stop telling us who --you-- believe who we "should" be. Stop telling us we are "confused."
Stop.
Stop.
STOP!

I AM ME. Not you. Not a shadow of you and this is something no one can claim from me.

If this is something that incenses you, well, those are your feelings and I can respect there but --I-- walk in --my-- boots and
YOU
DO
NOT.

Even if you cannot respect my view ...

Merry part.
Blessed be.
Rä

at least in America, interracial couples should seriously consider not having children. Read all the posts here from multiracial children who are depressed because they don't fit into American society. They always get asked the usual question "what are you "?

I am sorry to admit, but I feel uncomfortable seeing so many Black men in interracial relationships. I often wonder if they do it out of real love or "other" (forbidden fruit affect or climbing the white social ladder). There are too many wonderful but single Black women; the ratio is so unfairly unbalanced. What hurts the most, when black men call down Black women to justify their dating preferences and they encourage their white girlfriends to do this as well. I am sure it won't be so bad if the interracial dating was balanced. I read and see so many stories about Black man & white female love. But when will Black women be respected and desired by men of other races? we are admired from afar but not respected. The media is not helping either, there is such a stigma against Black women, who says different is in denial. "sigh" It’s so hard being a single Black women, then again it has always been.

well i am a 21 year old black man living in the U.K. why do so meny black men go out with white women, people need to stick to there own race. i think as far as black people dating white or asian people should not happen and needs to stop. i have only ever gone out with black women why? because i am a black man, and dont belive in mixing races.

hi all, i am a black woman married to a white man for almost two years now.... my feeling is who cares what anyone thinks about my husband. i love him and he loves me.... what other people think has never been any convern to me. and that includes my family. and we are abot to have our first child and we are so excited about it. there are a lot of people that worry about what people will say when people see them out with there boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife... that doesnt matter to either of us... i am so lucky and blessed to have him as my husband. and i wouldnt have it any other way.. so for all those out there that may be thinking of what they should do. go for it because isnt love what its all about.. end the end.........

I'm doing research on the experiences that women of black and white parents have had growing up in the United States.
Please describe early childhood, teenage, and adult experiences and opinions. Thank you so very much for your
assistance.

i personally dont get mad when i see ww with bm b/c the bm they have dont want or any other bm b/c i just dont date bm or find most of them attractive and thers alot more bw dating wm the only bw that hate to see ww with bm are they same ones to silly to expand their options in dating and date outside the race instead they sit around ant wait for bm when they shouldnt and should date other races of men

This whole thing is quite new to me.... I am 28years of age and I was raised in a small town in Kentucky. Racism is still alive and well there not as pronounced as in the past but still alive all the same. I grew up with an bi-racial mother but raised in a black family. Even at a young age I alway felt and belived that blacks and white should not mix. I hated when my brothers dated white women I felt they cheated all the wonder african american women and knew all the other black men in the community were doing the same. Since those days I've moved to New Jersey experienced other cultures found that their are many wonder people and wonderful religions to learn from and grow and most importantly I fell in love with a wonderful Italian guy. He is passionate and kind, and loving and giving and when he says that he loves me i feel it in the depths of my soul. But his family does not approve and im affraid that he may risk those relationships to persue one with me. Any woman would be honored but i don't want him hurt and I don't want to hurt the family that loves him. Im not going to end our relationship I think we just need help with me not being accepted. I can't help to feel like Im back in the small town in Kentucky hiding from the reality that if I cross the wrong line I could be wounded forever... please help!

Yall are all black dont be ashamed. Say it loud! once you have apart of you that is black you are black.